What is Selective Mutism, – A brief overview in a parent's words.

Selective Mutism is an anxiety-based disorder where a person is unable to talk in certain situations due to the level of anxiety they are experiencing. It can affect the throat muscles and produce a freeze response where the whole body tenses up and the person is physically unable to speak although they want to speak, they often describe that their words get stuck.

Selective Mutism is similar to a phobia initially and in this case the phobia is talking to people in certain situations, this can elicit the same feelings that someone who has a phobia of heights gets when presented with their fear.

Although many professionals and parents note Selective Mutism can be more than just not talking as children with Selective Mutism often have other difficulties, eating in front of people, using the bathroom in strange places giving eye contact and other quirks that can be individual to the child and it can go along with social anxiety characteristics like the fear of being judged.

Selective Mutism however is much more than a fear of talking, the child can be completely frozen and be unable to communicate at all even non-verbally in the early days. Something as small a thing as passing a piece of paper to someone or waving to someone, smiling or making eye contact can be very difficult for some children with Selective Mutism when they are in certain settings.

A key element to Selective Mutism is that the child can be initially frozen and have these communication difficulties due to anxiety in one setting, often school or possibly anywhere outside the home. However, when in their comfort zone, for example inside their home with immediate family, they can speak and talk freely, no problem, and nobody would think anything is different from any other child. I say comfort zone in the context of Selective Mutism, but it can be anywhere really, grandparents’ house could be a happy place for them, but the child still may be unable to speak there for example, as it may be outside their talking comfort zone.

A child with Selective Mutism may have a wonderful vocabulary and be quite noisy and boisterous inside the home which would come as a surprise to a teacher or extended family member who sees a very different child in the classroom or at their home. The child might be silent in the classroom not engaging, or the child might only engage non-verbally. How much the child interacts usually depends on where they are at on the scale of confident talking. There are different scales that can be referenced to gauge where the child is at Maggie Johnson and Alison Wintgens in the UK refers to the scale of confident talking and Dr. Elisa Shipon-Blum from the US similarly has referred to the Social Communication Bridge.

A parent may only notice these things once their child starts venturing outside the home, for example in a childcare setting, or the signs might have been there early on when they took their child out shopping or in the supermarket. You may have noticed your child freezes when an adult or other child approaches or engages with them.

Sometimes it is only apparent when the child enters pre-school or even school and it is a teacher or childminder who alerts the parents by saying you know they have not spoken a word to me. This can come as a shock to a parent who sees a quite different child at home.

As mentioned above Selective Mutism is an anxiety-based disorder and anyone who has read about anxiety will be familiar with the Flight, Fight or Freeze response. The Freeze response is often what comes to mind when we think of Selective Mutism. Those throat muscles are frozen the facial expression of the child can be different. In my son O’s case in the early days and even sometimes now (but less so now) he will have a tense downturned mouth, this is not because he is sad but because his anxiety is elevated. I used to see this expression after a long day at school when he was younger. I can certainly identify with the Flight and Fight response at times in relation to O.

However, in the very beginning it was difficult for me as a parent to understand this. O did not appear anxious to me and did not express anything I could relate to anxiety. He never ever told me he was afraid of talking although every child is different, but he did tell me he couldn’t talk on one occasion when he was younger, and I asked him why (before I really did know a lot about Selective Mutism, and I now know this is the wrong thing to do! ) and he answered "I don’t know".

So how can we tell the difference between a shy or quiet child and a child that has Selective Mutism? A shy child will eventually warm up as they get familiar with the setting and the people, the child with Selective Mutism will consistently not speak either in certain settings or to certain individuals. Some children with Selective Mutism might speak to adults and not peers, some speak to children but not adults, some may speak to neither outside their comfort zone, some may speak to only females or only males there are many possibilities which are different for each individual. Environment or place can also be a factor commonly children will not speak in school but may speak at home. Some children may speak in other areas outside the home like the park but not the school, some may speak only inside the four walls of their home with their family. Every child is different and the aspects that govern their Selective Mutism may differ but what is consistent is the failure to speak in certain situations but speaks freely in others.

The great news about Selective Mutism is that it can be overcome with the right supports. The comfort zone can be widened over time until in many cases it is eventually overcome. This must be done in a slow gradual process, small, tiny steps to exposing the child with Selective Mutism to situations where they find it difficult to talk in a supported way, involving them in the process where possible in an age appropriate way. O used to speak only to immediate family now he speaks to children, friends, cousins and we are still working on talking to adults, but I know he will get there. He has made great progress since being diagnosed. We worked hard using many of the recommendations in many of the resources linked on this website. There is hope for us as parents, stay strong, they will find their voice with time, patience, hard work on everyone’s part and lots of bravery.

O is demonstrating his bravery to me all the time, but it was hard to envisage that progress would be made when he was first diagnosed but here, we are, so much further along the path and I am so proud of how far O has come and truly believe he will go further and eventually overcome his Selective Mutism.

The resources linked on the website will provide more information to provide an understanding of Selective Mutism and how to help your child.

"If you see someone without a smile, give them yours" - Louis Vendetti